Hotel Reservations
by Jasmine-Kyman-Cartyle
Summary: Eric Cartman has been an undercover cop submiting fake ID's for a while and has dreamt of the whole gang killing him with Kahl as the last punch. Kyle Broflovski has been rooming with a Pat"ric" Ser"man" for a while as a guy named Karlos Wheeler. Being beat by Stan. Kyle has I swear as his ringtone. Cartman writes poems and love letters unmailed? What could go wrong?


"Hello I would like to get an apartment"  
"Roomate?"  
"Yes please"  
"Okay. Well I have booked you with a Patrick Serman?"  
"Alright. My name is Karlos Wheeler"  
"Okay. Your roomate will be home at five"  
"Thank you ma'am"  
My name is Kyle Broflovski and I have just applied for a hotel by the name of Karlos Wheeler. I normally dont do this kind of stuff but all of my friends are out of town so I am going to get a roomie at the Larnell Inn outside of town. I wonder who Patrick Serman is. Hopefully he has booze noting his 6th floor room.

"Hello, Larnell Inn"  
"Hey its Serman, any appliers for my room"  
"Yes Mr. Serman a Karlos Wheeler"  
I thought I reconized that name from my published ID's. Many kids over 18 still use them to do stuff off their backround.  
"Age?"  
"Uhm, By his applicant and ID he is 21 why?"  
"Nevermind, be there at five"  
"Kay Cutie"  
"Bye Marlece"  
I could've swore I made that ID but I may be wrong... My phone started to buzz  
"Its Serman talk"  
"Hey, Im your new roomate"  
"Okay?"  
"You need to get home?"  
"Why"  
"Dinners done?"  
"Okay... Karlos was it?"  
"Yes Patrick"  
"Call me Serman, I always go by my last name."  
"Okay Serman..."  
"Bye"  
"Bye"  
My real name is Eric Cartman. All of my friends dumped me 4 years ago. I lost an large amount of weight from Middle School. After Kahl and them left me I went and moved with my mahm to Columbus OH. Now that I am in Calorado and RICH from my career as a patrol officer I came back on Vacation. I have used the name Patrick Serman so long it stuck. I simply got this name by using Eric with an k and replace the E with Pa and turning Cart into Ser so I got the Patrol name.

"Bye"  
Why does he go by his last name anyways? I only know one person who has ever done that. Eric Theodore Cartman. Without him South Park got lonely. I never made the career of a lawyer because I never had good argument practice without him. My phone went off in the store and I hurried and answered when I heard this as my ringtone.  
(I Swear by the moon and the stars in the sky, I'll be there Kahl)  
I put this as my ringtone a while ago because I missed him and I certainly didnt want him singing Pokerface or That my mom was a... Well you get the picture.  
"Hello"  
"Oh, Karlos!"  
"Yes Patrick?"  
"Are you home?"  
"On my way why?"  
"Thank god!"  
"Why?"  
"Iahm locke- I mean I am locked out!"  
Iahm? Sounds like a Cartman accent...  
"Okay..."  
"Great your the best!"  
"Umm are you married?"  
"No... Sadly I am not I am stuck on a past love"  
"Who"  
"None of your concern... Just hurry upj-"  
Upj? There had to be another word there.  
"Up what?"  
"Nothing Bye!"  
"B-" Beep

I almost slipped up again... Ugh  
Karlos just got here and he is carrying three suitcases  
"Uhm didn't you get those before you cooked?"  
"Nope. Mother just brought them"  
"Okay"  
We both slipped inside and when he sat the luggage down I saw his face which looked an awfully lot like Kahls, well what doesn't remind me of him these days.  
"Well now that we have me-" He cut off when he looked at my body and hazel eyes. My hair matched my eyes and I was wearing a light red jacket unzipped to show my white shirt underneath and my jeans were a navy blue.  
"You look like someone I know..." He said frowning  
"Oh, well I am going to bed." Iahm so tired of this serade  
"Night Serman"  
I fell asleep and returned to my usual dreams  
"Fatass!"  
"Pig-Breath"  
"Nazi!"  
"Ugly"  
"Retard"  
"Lier!"  
and finally the words I have hated to hear most  
"You FATASS DUMB BIGOTED ANTI-SEMETIC BASTARD I HATE YOU!" Kahl said  
"Kahl... No I am so sorry!"  
"NEVER WILL I ACCEPT YOUR APOLIGIES" He said with fire in his green eyes  
"Kahl!" I said tears streaming down my face  
Before I knew it dozens of teens were kicking me and punching me and yelling angry slurrs as I died slowly with the final punch by my true love.  
"Get up you LARDO" Kahl said with that final swing as I woke up  
Before I could stop myself I yelled out into nothingness  
"KAHL PLEASE I AM SORRY CALL THEM OFF, STOP KILLING ME I KNOW IM FAT AND SELF CENTERED BUT I LO-" I stopped there because Karlos was looking at me like I was stupid  
"I am so sorry... I have had these nightmares since my second beating as a child..."  
A tear rolled down Patricks cheek and is phone started to ring  
(I swear by the moon and the stars in the sky, I'll be there Kahl)  
I looked up and snatched the phone and answered  
"Hey Kyle its Stan!"  
"Hey Stan I am not Kyle and he is busy right now"  
"Okay mister?"  
"Serman"  
"Tell him to give me a call"  
"Okay Stan-The-Man" I said as I hung up  
Who ever this Patrick guy was looked at me with wide eyes and said with a tone of anger  
"Cartman!"  
I laughed and at this anger I realized and my heart ached  
"Kahl!" I said and bawled remembering the final swing, my unmailed love letters, his pale dead body, and him in whole  
"You... You deserve to die."  
"Kahl, No"  
"Why not"  
I flinched at his tone  
"Because I died inside when I left you... I died so many times in my dreams with you giving the final swing.."  
He looked alarmed  
"Cartman you dreamt of DYING!"  
"Yep"  
"I have too... I know how it feels"  
"What?"  
This secret changed my life  
"He beats me!"  
"Who!"  
"Stan!"  
"Why!"  
"I don't know..."  
I ran to him and asked him where. He pulled up his shirt and I saw bruises everywhere. I touched one and he winced.  
"Kahl, You ok?"  
"No!"  
"Shh" I took off his hat  
"Why are you being so nice to me?"  
I stopped, regretting my actions before.  
"Patroling changed my ways. Now that I patrol I have to be nice to victems"  
"Oh,"  
I put Kahl in bed and took out his phone and called Stan using my best Kahl impression  
"Hey Kyle"  
"Hi..."  
"Adress me as BABE or I will KILL HIM"  
"Who?"  
"Cartman?"  
"Why!"  
"Because you love him?... Sudden amnesia?"  
"Holy..."  
"Cartman!"  
"Yes Jew beater?"  
"You! Your dead!"  
"I say not I have my colleuges tracking your phone as we speak. By the name of Eric Cartmans Partol you are under arrest for beating an innocent subject"  
"Fuck..."

I awoke with Cartmans mustly arm around my waist and cops infront of me  
"Sir!"  
"Yes"  
"Is it true Stan Marsh has infact been beating you at a threat to kill Eric Theodore Cartman?"  
"Yes... Sadly"  
"Officer Eric here has been undercover here for months now and he has impersinated you to your abusive feonce and he is currently "White trash In Trouble."  
"Cartman!" I screamed  
"Fünf Minuten ..." He said groaning  
"What language is that Officer?"  
"German"  
I laughed at Cartmans natural German  
"Caaarrtttmmaaannn"  
"Fünf Minuten!"  
"GET UP YOU LARDO!"  
With that he started spazzing with fear in his eyes as they rolled into the back of his head  
"Ambulence now!" and officer screamed  
"What happened kid?"  
"I said "Get up you lardo"."  
"FUCK GET HIM TO THE ER STAT! YOUNG MAN SIT DOWN"  
"What did I do!"  
"He has had a nightmare accesivly for the last days when a Kyle Broflovski ended his life with a "Get up you lardo"."  
"My name is Kyle Broflovski..."  
"He is in love with you sir. Go be with him..."  
"What! How!"  
He plays a tape recorder  
"Kahl, Why do I love you If you bring me to tears. Without you I can never accomplish my fears. Because every night when I snuck in your room. I saw a light with the smell of purfume. And bruises on your cute little chest. Oh please lord just put me to rest. I wasted my love on a perfect enemy. O please let him become friends with me..."  
Tears rolled down my cheeks as I ran to his room. I evesdropped outside the door.  
"Kahl... Wheres KAHL!"  
"He isn't here Eric."  
"He left me t-t-to die again..." I heard sobs  
"I dont know snookums"  
"MAHM LEAVE!"  
walked out of the door and bawled as she walked off, not noticing me walk in  
"Cartman?"  
"Kahl?"  
I ran to him and kissed him on the cheek as I saw the fear in his eyes. He leaned over more and captured my lips silently awaiting my permition to let his toungue enter. I let him and I heard him moan into my lips quietly.  
"Kahl... Sit with me and never leave... please..."  
I agreed and sat there as he interwoned his hands in my hair and said with a tear rolling down his cheek  
"I love you Kahl

When I said those words to Kahl and he kissed me silently but passionetly and moaned my name into my mouth I knew he loved me... and to think this was all due to stupid Hotel Reservations.

Hey Guys I am not dead! I have been busy lately and I wanted to publish a story I made a few years back! Review for more Kyman and maybe some CartKenny :D -Jasmine-Kyman-Cartyle :D Fünf Minuten = Five minutes


End file.
